Miss Universe


Another year hearkens the competition for the most beautiful, most witty female in the world. Supposedly. All I saw was a parade of strutting women, some nearly as unhealthily two dimensional (width-wise) as the flat-screen digital TV from which I watched them prancing as they thrust various bits of their (malnourished) anatomy at the camera. The swim-suit segment was a rib-fest, with Miss Switzerland and Miss Canada leading the skeletal entourage in proudly displaying their well-built (and very obvious) ribcages, while Miss Hungary, (who was slightly more endowed) bounced around attempting to impress the judges with her rotund mammary glands. All in all, not one of the better years - a sentiment which was confirmed when Miss Japan, who with her 3-inch whiskers - i mean, eyelashes - and pufferfish eyebags looked like a kittenish pop-star on crack literally swayed her way to the first runner-up spot.