Jx's ranting pad

2009-07-03T15:03:00.002+08:00

Been posting at another location for more than a year now, and yet i cling on to some measure of sentimentality when i think of shutting down this blog. maybe i'll just leave it here, dusty and abandoned to the mercy of the vast reaches of the web.

2008-08-09T08:20:00.001+08:00

Early morning rain is falling
Pitter patter, pitter patter
Clouds are creased in furrowed mourning
Come on darlin', what's the matter

Autumn leaves are drifting, drifting
floating slowly, gently, sighing
Wind's caress so subtly felt
Like a special embrace, like being held

Would you come a-wandering with me?
With excited and unwavering feet?
With playful lips and dreamy eyes
'Till we run out of road, there we'll always meet.

- JX

2008-08-02T10:33:00.003+08:00

Solitary night walks around NUS are really relaxing. The whole campus is quiet and peaceful, being devoid of the hive of activity, student and otherwise, generated during the day. The buildings are given a heightened sense of character, their lines and silhouettes defined in a totally new perspective by being lit from the bottom (display lights) rather than from sunlight.

2008-07-04T12:02:00.002+08:00

Music.

It just has a raw, primal, meta-physical way of striking at chords within people. Listening to sad music can be so powerfully moving sometimes that even though no words are explicitly put forth to describe any disastrous or tragic situation, one can get emotionally shaken to the point of feeling upset to a certain degree. Perhaps it is this quality of emotional interaction , of presenting a feeling/concept in aural form that one can identify with and connect to one's own, sometimes extremely intimate experiences that makes it so infinitely attractive on a psychological and emotional level. If listening to music can produce such a monumental effect, what about the process of making music?

I confess that I am addicted to it. Creating, crafting, shaping, nuancing sound into packages of intricate, unexplainable feeling that people can recognise and hopefully enjoy - that is a gift i would not relinquish for the world. There is an indescribable satisfaction of dodging past the cold steely exterior that everyone constructs and diving headfirst into and touching the psyche of the very real person behind that social visage: of causing that person to reflect and feel and simply appreciate their id and ego once in a while, and of seeing it somehow reflected in their facial expressions - that -almost- creates mental paroxysms of shiokness - (for want of a better word).

2008-07-03T12:54:00.002+08:00

I love rain. Something about falling drops of water in all its variety fascinates me and captures my attention. Have you ever watched an absolute downpour through its entirety? The steady, constant roar of torrential rain is almost monstrous in its ferocity as it beats steadily and relentlessly upon houses and streets, people and trees. It lends a surreal veneer, a dream-like quality, throwing an otherwise conventional and ordinary cityscape into new and ethereal perspective. The outlines of buildings become blurred and amorphously defined, as lines of water gush along tiles and beams. Trees are bent double in what must be a state of near-agony as they struggle to accommodate the force of the gale, and water spills from the cusps of leaves like so many drops of perspiration. Circular dots bloom as people open their umbrellas, bouncing off each other in a Brownian parody of sorts as they continue on to their destinations. Occasional peals of thunder resonate so strongly that the ground itself vibrates in accompanying rhythm. Cracks of lightning streak across the sky in an instant, combining with the thunder to produce an idiosyncratic, mercurial portrait of God's' work in all its glory. I love rain.

2008-06-30T09:31:00.002+08:00

Perhaps the impetus for returning to this derelict, defunct corner of the internet is that of exorcism. Exorcism of certain parasitic demons that have been slowly but surely eroding my willpower to think rationally, day by day. It has progressed to the point where every minutiae of waking consciousness is pervaded with and afflicted by a malady of self doubt and an impending sense of crisis - all fueled by a malicious battery of pure, unadulterated pain so intense in its integrity that i think i -will- lose my sanity if i am unable to siphon it out somehow.
Maybe Dumbledore had the right idea with his penseive. Unfortunately, as an inhabitant of reality i have limited access to such a device and so will have to rely on an old companion - writing - to purge myself and re-order my life.
Such a colossal irony that this particular chapter is steeped in such agony despite how it's supposed to be a time of anticipation and excitement and optimism. Conversely, my being feels negatively retrospective, regressive, pessimistic, and monstrously scarred past the point of healing. The desire to bury this ugly, deformed orphan deep within my psyche and smother it with metaphorical piles of cushions upon cushions so as to eradicate it is so strong that sometimes i catch myself staring at actual, physical pillow cases around the house, and wishing they could work in that way.
Perhaps somewhere above the clouds Someone is shaking his head amusingly at my myopia and naivete, all the while merrily writing the next chapter in the book that is my life.

2008-03-12T23:01:00.002+08:00

So here i am, standing alone and reflective at this juncture, mulling over the various frayed threads of could-haves and have-beens in the convoluted tapestry of events thus far. Perhaps i cherish a modicum of hope, a tiny bud of opportunity that yearns to bloom and unfold into full, ripe potential. Yet even this is strangled by moral thorns in my side that conflict against that which my mind tells me is logical and pragmatic - combining to give me a hell of a headache that will not be easily banished by panadol and beer...

2006-09-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

Apologies for the lack of updates, life has been rather busy the past month. With 4 different exams to study (and practice) for, blogging has taken second seat. On another note, Bleach the movie is coming out in december yay! =D

2006-07-25T18:33:00.000+08:00

Miss Universe

Another year hearkens the competition for the most beautiful, most witty female in the world. Supposedly. All I saw was a parade of strutting women, some nearly as unhealthily two dimensional (width-wise) as the flat-screen digital TV from which I watched them prancing as they thrust various bits of their (malnourished) anatomy at the camera. The swim-suit segment was a rib-fest, with Miss Switzerland and Miss Canada leading the skeletal entourage in proudly displaying their well-built (and very obvious) ribcages, while Miss Hungary, (who was slightly more endowed) bounced around attempting to impress the judges with her rotund mammary glands. All in all, not one of the better years - a sentiment which was confirmed when Miss Japan, who with her 3-inch whiskers - i mean, eyelashes - and pufferfish eyebags looked like a kittenish pop-star on crack literally swayed her way to the first runner-up spot.

2006-07-24T19:29:00.000+08:00

Intertia

This is (for want of a better word), disgusting. Thus far army has brought forth an overwhelming sense of degeneration - even de-volution. Yes i made this word up, nevertheless it is apt and succinct in exemplifying the central state of some NSF (such as myself). Learning nothing in my vocation (supposedly related to music - Ha! Farcical deceit) compels feelings if ineptitude and redundancy. The average day comprises lounging around the White House aimlessly, drifting towards the Pool Table on occasion.

Barely existential awareness is punctuated only by the arrival of mealtimes such as lunch. It usually comprises shards of burnt rubber that pass for meat, flaccid glued-together plastic granules that pass for rice, and a bowlful of some viscuous yellow precipitate that passes for soup - hardly something to look foward to. SFI ftw.

Parades constitute long periods of jading and staring glassy-eyed into the distance while holding an instrument, as the grossly out of tune chords destroy by-stander's hearing. Mental activity is limited to wondering how soon one can go home and sleep.

Compare this to the heightened state of consciousness experience during and prior BMT, the mental alertness that enables one to survive tekan sessions, the andrenaline rush of successfully completing a task quickly and efficiently without earning extra PT from the sergeants. Consider that with every day that passes I am becoming stupider and stupider, less aware, less able to discern my surroundings, less able to live with meaning. With each day i grow more mulish, sloth-like, doltish, approaching the brink of idiocy. Such is devolution! Even this post is growing ramblish in nature, devoid of constructive thought or mature process. It lacks structure, is disorganised, and aims to capture the appalling state of things.

Help!!

2006-07-01T20:33:00.000+08:00

staff selamat, me n ben

2006-07-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

me, staff terry and ben

2006-07-01T20:31:00.000+08:00

me and nick

2006-07-01T20:30:00.000+08:00

Batch 67!

2006-06-23T21:50:00.000+08:00

=) A tribute to alty

I'm a little saxophone silvery white
here is my ligature, screwed on tight
holding my lovely and supple reed
purring out lovely notes indeed!
hear me crooning hear me sing
stealing your heart; i'm doing my thing
striking a chord in your lonely soul
flying in the sky with the sea far below

2006-06-04T08:22:00.000+08:00

C.O.G today! 5pm+, come if interested

2006-05-20T13:46:00.000+08:00

What's in a name
that which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet!
Haha i know this sounds gay but i've been re-reading shakespeare. I really do think that he was a wonderful playwright. Too bad pple don't really read him nowadays - the genre has been reduced to a field of study rendered muggable, rather than a hobby to be enjoyed

2006-05-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

The shards of shattered dreams
melt into startdust
as the fingers of fate deftly strum the exquisite tune of pain.
Disappointment, mirrored
in the fragile crystal glass of perception.

2006-04-25T19:26:00.000+08:00

To all readers: sorry but i'm currently in no mood to continue the previous post. Recent events have landed me in a vicious cycle of pseudo-depression, a vortex that i am trying my best to climb out of.

2006-04-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

"Blind faith" carries along with it a slightly negative connotation - the implication that one's belief in something is irrational, non-logical, reason-defying, and necessarily, without any foundational basis. It is therefore necessarily a faith that simply exists for the sake of existing, an undefinable, amorphous concept that would be taken by many to be foolish.

Take for example the case of catching a bus. Since the bus timetable states that the bus will arrive at precisely 7am every day, it is thus logical to assume that the bus actually will do so, since the timetable is printed by the bus company which manages the bus service. There is a reason in this assumption, an underpinning logic that pervades and validifies its function as a rational belief. However, if no timetable exists and yet one believes for no apparent reason that the bus will arrive a 7am everyday (assuming that it is one's first time taking the bus), then such a belief can be classified as irrational, since it has no logical basis. In other words, it is blind faith.

Take this logic, apply it to religion, and you have a major divide within the religious arena. The first group encompasses those who believe in a religion for the sake of believing, out of habit, upbringing, or circumstance - those who can be classified as having their realities circumscribed by blind faith. Some components of this group cling helplessly to what they have been taught to believe - through upbringing, environment or other factors - as doing so gives their lives order, meaning and hope. Christianity, Buddhism and Islam, (three major religions of the world today) subscribe to a fixed set of values and beliefs, such as impending salvation, and ordered tenets of self-conduct.

To be continued...

2006-03-27T20:41:00.000+08:00

V for Vendetta

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

Guy Fawkes & the Gunpowder PlotWords of "Remember Remember" refer to Guy Fawkes with origins in 17th century English history. On the 5th November 1605 Guy Fawkes was caught in the cellars of the Houses of Parliament with several dozen barrels of gunpowder. Guy Fawkes was subsequently tried as a traitor with his co-conspirators for plotting against the government. He was tried by Judge Popham who came to London specifically for the trial from his country manor Littlecote House in Hungerford, Gloucestershire. Fawkes was sentenced to death and the form of the execution was one of the most horrendous ever practised (hung ,drawn and quartered) which reflected the serious nature of the crime of treason.

Taken from http://www.rhymes.org.uk/remember_remember_the_5th_november.htm

V For Vendetta is horribly fascinating precisely because it portrays a scenario that has every possibility of materialising in the first world. The ending is absolutely fitting (as appreciated by classical music enthusiasts), where parliament is annihilated in a series of coordinated explosions to the ending theme of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. It is significant due the the fact that the bell tones and celebratory melody depict the joie de vivre following the Prussian liberation from the Napoleonic wars of the period. I found this representation of the spirit of freedom, liberty, etc particulary meaningful. Overall, a must watch! =)

** okay toothpaste and sien and everyone else, this is an update. =P **

2006-03-13T10:58:00.000+08:00

So here i am again, wondering how and why such things happen. Ennui is the keyword of the day, since the blessed rest and relaxation that i had foolishly envisioned has degenerated into a daily cycle of WoW and mealtimes. Block leave, block leave, block leave! I can feel my intellectual self ( or what's left of it ) disintegrating into so many globules of lethargy, frozen in a tube of stasis. Help!

2006-02-26T09:07:00.000+08:00

Care For Soldiers

After breakfast, those who qualified for BIC (the battle innoculation course) trunched up the tonner wearily. By then our energy levels were beyond depletion point, and it was an effort to even board the transport. The mental process was something akin to this:
Brain to left leg>> Move. Up. 90 degrees. Step on metal protrusion. So we can board vehicle.

*5second intermission.. processing...*
Left leg to brain>> Tired. Excess lactic acid. Unable to comply.
*5second intermission.. processing...*
Brain to left leg>> MOVE IT. NOW. Or arms will get into trouble.
*5second intermission.. processing...*
Arms to brain and left leg>> Roger roger. Pushups hurt us. Please comply.
Left leg to Arms and Brain>> Trying.. *silence in nervous network system*
*5second intermission.. processing...*

Left leg moves and successfully steps onto metal protrusion

Arms and Brain to Left leg>> Congratulations!!

Sergeant: #2$@ YOU ^!%*#&!! WHY YOU MOVE SO SLOW!? @#$%ING )^&(!@#! KNOCK IT DOWN 20!

*5second intermission.. processing...*
Arms and Brain>> GROAN...

20 pushups later...
Sergeant: NOW GET ON THE $^!%*ING TONNER! OR ELSE U KNOCK IT DOWN ANOTHER 20 WITH YOUR FBO AND I WILL CONFINE YOU ON SUNDAY!!**
**Full Battle Order: 12kilo Field pack + 3kg Rifle + 1Kg helmet + 2kg Standard battle order webbing. Go do the math.**

*5second intermission.. processing...*

Arms>> !!!!!!!!!
Brain>> !!!!!!!!!
Legs>>!!!!!!!!!!!
Shoulders>>!!!!!!!!!

With such such stimulating encouragment, i was finally able to board the tonner.

2006-02-26T08:58:00.000+08:00

Back from field camp!

Centipedes, scorpions and mozzies aside, it was pretty fun. Will update soon when rejuvenated (Hint: POP 7th march with 2 weeks block leave =D ) or entry will degenerate into meaningless narrative. Have fun all, its time to WOW

2006-02-05T08:53:00.001+08:00

Sigh

Training to be soldiers
(we'll) Fight for our land
Once in our lives
Two years of our time
Have you ever wondered
Why must we serve?
Because we love our land
and we want it to be free, to be free!

Stand up
Be on your guard
Come on everybody
Do your part
Come on every soldier
With soul and heart
Do it for our nation
Do it for our Singapore!

Encapsulated within this propogandic text is the core message that the government (or whichever higher powers that be) has ordained to be of primordial importance to the country. It embodies a set of tenets for the soldier (Or NSF) that are meant to instill patriotism, pride and a sense of purpose. When sung at platoon level, the heart of the message manages to shine through, distorted pitching and horribly mangled grammar notwithstanding.

Let us first examine the similarities between NS and conscription. Both are compulsory, undertaken in the name of an abstract that the participants often are alien or at best, detached from, and both are, ultimately, tools of state management.

The argument goes that stability is the foundational prerequisite for prosperity and an augmented standard of living. Trite, but seemingly true - One hardly finds a flourishing diaspora of trade and commerce in wartorn nations, as evidenced by the recent cases of Iraq(2003) and Afghanistan(1979). On the other extreme however, the Orwellian stability featured in the novel 1984 is hardly a paragon of progress and development.

Thus, it can be established that a draconean, steel-fisted administration fosters stasis and immobility, while a lack of state authority results in anarchy and chaos. Both agents are anathema to prosperity and development.

Where does NS stand on this scale? Perhaps it is meant strike a moderational balance between the two extremes as illustrated above. By drawing upon the populace for conscription, it ensures that a primary responsibility is met - that of self-defence on a nation-wide level, since it is an undeniable, unshirkable responsibility to defend one's family and property. Also, by allowing conscripts to maintain a level of civilian experience, the freedom and liberty of a democracy is assured, and an Orwellian autocracy does not result.

Has NS then fulfilled this role? In this modern world of nuclear arnaments and flourishing international commerce, is it even necessary in achieving the above-mentioned objectives of stability and hence, prosperity and societal progression?

Perhaps not. Detractors quote Cordell in saying that "trade is a disincentive to war". When international trade has been developed to its current burgeoning status and complex intricacy, countries stand to lose when war is declared. There is a higher propensity to resolve conflicts diplomatically. Japan, with its extremely limited Peace Defence Force of less than 300,000 active troops (as per the post-WW2 constitution) has yet to be invaded since the end of WW2 in 1945. Its economy has powerhoused to supplant Germany to be the 2nd largest in the world after the USA, and remains so in spite of a decade long recession. Thus, it would seem to be a living testament to the effectiveness of trade in curbing conflict, which would, by extension, render NS (which occurs on a large scale since half the Singaporean Populace serves) a hollow white elephantish concept.

In addition, the presence of Nuclear arnaments may well invalidate the need for conventional troops as well. True, their massively destructive potential may deter their use presently. However, if an active war does occur (qualifyer: one unlike the Cold War of 1949 - 1991),
would countries in the future really refrain from using such weapons? A Hydrogen bomb has the destructive capacity to annihilate everything within 20 square miles instantly - excluding the radioactive fallout and environmental pollution that could claim lives later. A city the size of singapore is barely 250 square km in size. Facts thus seem to support the notion that a conventional army, like the one bred and grown through NS, would be all but useless in the event of a nuclear conflict.

If anything, perhaps NS is effective in at least one way: it imparts the values of caution, discipline, and efficiency to those who pass through its ranks. The daily routine of marching, training, shooting helps mould the character of every serviceman, and such values are applicable to civilian life as well. It is only with discipline, for example, that one can diligently continue in a job that one intensely dislikes. By erring on the side of caution, one may well stem a mistake that could have, by all probability snowballed into one of prodigous proportions. Such values are to say the least, useful in a country where the most abundant resource is its population, and could well facilitate the country's progress and development as well.

Any comments? Feel free to tag. =) Wont be able to get back too soon tho, booking in tonight.

2006-01-28T17:29:00.000+08:00

IM BACK!!
yay.
Pes C recruits are not made of glass. please please please let us exercise.

2006-01-19T08:42:00.000+08:00

BMTing tomorrow, be out on CNY. Have fun all! =P

2006-01-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

If WW2 had been an RTS

Ripped from Kw's blog! =P

Haha this was taken from the PAGN.net forums:

If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*

*Eisenhower has joined the game.*

*paTTon has joined the game.*

*Churchill has joined the game.*

*benny-tow has joined the game.*

*T0J0 has joined the game.*

*Roosevelt has joined the game.*

*Stalin has joined the game.*

*deGaulle has joined the game.

*Roosevelt: hey sup

T0J0: y0

Stalin: hi

Churchill: hi

Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!

paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks

T0JO: lol

Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!

benny-tow: haha america sux

Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?

Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever

Stalin: cool

deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help

Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy

Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry

Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me

Roosevelt: get antiair guns

Churchill: i cant afford them

benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?

paTTon: stfu

Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys

deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick

Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army

paTTon: yah hurry the fock up

Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded

deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck

*deGaulle has left the game.*

Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?

benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?

benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?

Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO

T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u

Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses

T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol

Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u

Hitler[AoE]: wtf

Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army

Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker

Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler

Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!

T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard

Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path

Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE

Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol

benny-tow: haha

benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1

T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full

Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help

Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya

Stalin: church help me

Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here

Stalin: dont be an arss

Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late

Eisenhower: LOL

benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help

Hitler: o man ur focked

paTTon: oh what now biotch

Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol

*benny-tow has been eliminated.*

benny-tow: lame

Roosevelt: gj patton

paTTon: thnx

Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t

Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record

Eisenhower: Nuts!

benny~tow: wtf that mean?

Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped

paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker

Stalin: rofl

T0J0: HAHAHHAA

Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay

Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city

*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*

benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself

Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL

Stalin: OMG LMAO!

Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows

*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*

paTTon: hahahhah

T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs

benny~tow: shut up noob

Roosevelt: haha wut a moron

paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?

Eisenhower: yah me too

T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol

Eisenhower: fock u

paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie

Stalin: go to hell lol

paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk

Eisenhower: yah this is gay

*Roosevelt has left the game.*

Hitler[AoE]: wtf?

Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join

*tru_m4n has joined the game.*

tru_m4n: hi all

T0J0: hey

Stalin: sup

Churchill: hi

tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!

tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES

Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz

tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple

Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets

T0J0: wtf is nukes?

T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!

*T0J0 has been eliminated.*

*The Allied team has won the game!

*Eisenhower: awesome!

Churchill: gg noobs no re

T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck

*T0J0 has left the game.*

*Eisenhower has left the game.

*Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****

Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss

tru_m4n: l8r all

benny~tow: bye

Churchill: l8r

Stalin: fock u all

tru_m4n: shut up commie lol

*tru_m4n has left the game.

*benny~tow: lololol u commie

Churchill: ROFL

Churchill: bye commie

*Churchill has left the game.*

*benny~tow has left the game.*

Stalin: i hate u all fags

*Stalin has left the game.

*paTTon: lol no1 is left

paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep

*paTTon has been eliminated.

*paTTon: o sh1t!

*paTTon has left the game.*

2006-01-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

2006-01-03T19:14:00.000+08:00

Stupidly, i left-clicked on the disenchant item button before my mental processes had enough time to verify the repercussions of such an action. The result: that wonderful maul, 2 handed with all its super nice dmg (which low-lvls can use) has been reduced to a 5 units of strange dust. GAH! I momentarily forgot that i had a paladin called lightsabre(yes i know, stupid name) but i must vent out my frustration at this rash act!!

2006-01-02T08:56:00.000+08:00

the only reason why i've got time to update. GAH!!! =P To all you yet-to-be conscripted guys out there, this is a real fun game the only detering factor is the price. $78 for the game + $44 for the gamecard (60days) but once you start playing.. its worth it! Recommend at least a Pentium 2.4 with 512mb ddram and 20GB free discspace for tolerable performance; otherwise you'll just be playing in frames.

2005-12-28T19:21:00.000+08:00

2005-12-28T19:20:00.000+08:00

Mom and me

2005-12-28T19:16:00.000+08:00

POSER! =P

2005-12-28T19:15:00.000+08:00

Cousins and me

2005-12-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

Me and Bro

2005-12-28T19:10:00.000+08:00

The Grinch (aka, Dad). haha ok i edited the photo somewhat, but you gotta admit its a pretty gd likeness

2005-12-28T19:08:00.000+08:00

Angoran Bunny. They taste really good, like chicken just that a lot softer. Fragrant too!

2005-12-28T19:07:00.000+08:00

Geyser!

2005-12-25T12:14:00.000+08:00

2005-12-25T11:59:00.000+08:00

Blessed Christmas all! =)

2005-12-20T07:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, here is the next post. Thanks all for your critical objections, i really appreciate you being able to step forward and post something coherent.

dvd: religion would not exist if people did not believe.. there is no god, except the one we have made up, exulted and exalted.. simply because we need to know a greater being than all of us exists.

>> I think the question here is not about whether or not religion exists. We know for a fact that it does, therefore the existence of all the major religions as stated in previous post. Perhaps you could expound on why we "need to know (that) a greater being than all of us exists" as being the foundation of religion - it sounds plausible enough. Perhaps man, having the faculty of reason, is attempting to use religion as a channel through which things otherwise unexplainable can be explained, (such as how did life occur?) and made rational to his senses. If modern science were to one day advance to the point that such questions could be solved in a systematic and rational manner, religion may lose its appeal. However, I (personally) highly doubt that since there will always be new questions for new phenomena as new discoveries open new avenues.

angie: Christ died for us, and if we can't even give Him our monetary possessions, it is definitely much much harder to part with other things, like time. how then to serve the Lord?
angie: hello. well 1 john 4:19 says "we love him, because he first loved us." so, we tithe cos its required of us to (can't find the reference now) and give offering as a show of gratitude to God.

>> Well angie, to me all that quote shows is what man is supposed to do: to love for love's sake, hence "we love him because he first loved us". What I was attempting to question in the last post is whether or not people truly believe in that and conduct themselves by that code, or do they in fact adopt it as a standard facade to mask an inherent, invisible desire for long-term self gain. Also, in response to the question of "how then to serve the Lord", I believe that there are many other ways to do so besides "(giving) Him our monetary possessions". For example, we could serve by determining to observe the 10 commandments, or by spreading the word to our friends - none of which require substantial monetary 'sacrifices' normally.

sien: He doesn't need it but in giving it pleases Him. yep. in my humble opinion that is...
sien: the sacrifices are not mainly to garner rewards but simply as an offering of thanksgiving and gratitude to the One who already has everything.
sien: i think, it doesn't entirely defeat the spirit of religion. speaking as a christian, our purpose is to simply do His will and to be a testimony to His Name. whether there is reward is secondary
sien: eh jx, your tagboard ate up my previous comment! it was saying, that i also thought about it before.that it's self-defeating. but i think you need to put it into context?
sien: other's souls aren't accountable to us after all. so just strive to reach the standard depending always on the Spirit and give pple the benefit of the doubt as to their true intent

>> I think I can agree with you that "it doesn't entirely defeat the spirit of religion", because I never directly said so. What I implied was that some people may harbor selfish motivations for participating in religion, and that could be seen through the example of monetary donation. It is only when "sacrifice (is) conducted in such a spirit" (ref, the last post 2nd last paragraph) that the religion becomes farcical in that sense. And I think you're right about the "do His will and to be a testimony to His Name" part, at least, that's what I personally believe as well.

daniel: this post makes you think =)

>> Which daniel is this? I know about 4. =)

Thow: Actually the act of kindness for buddhism is that eventually you will be rewarded with sufficient intelligence in order to comprehend the true nature of the Teaching

>> So the inherent implication here is that of short term sacrifice with the intention of future self-gain, with the reward being "sufficient intelligence", rather than out of any innate, delinked desire to help one's fellow man? If I'm getting this wrong do correct me please.

**Post Script: Again, many thanks for all your responses. I've done my best to address the various contentions expressed above, if you still disagree please do tag! This is all done in the spirit of philosophy and reasoning.

2005-12-19T10:00:00.000+08:00

Just came back from nz. Thanks all for the responses, will post as soon as i can muster up enough energy.

2005-12-09T12:20:00.000+08:00

YES!! Ok i've finally resolved the problematic activation key thingie. Funny tho, some proggies refuse to install when they can't detect my C: because my harddisk designation is E:. Again, any techies out there who can be of assistance, please kindly do tag =) ................................................................................ On a totally different note, i've got some things to blog about, that i've been wanting to for some time but couldn't due to technical difficulties (namely, me initiating a static shock on the motherboard causing it to cease to function). Here's the first issue: Sacrifice. Sacrifice is the act of forgoing something that one holds dear or important, be it material entities, such as monetary and physical assets, or metaphysical exponents of emotion and thought. Such an act is enacted in the purpose of an alleged greater cause that is of a higher significance than the individual, as perceived by the individual. To sacrifice requires a certain maturity of mind, as it requires discipline and heightened perception to achieve a state of realisation that some things in life are more important than others. In the context of religion, sacrifice takes various forms. Some beliefs hold that by giving up physical possessions - a common example being livestock and animals, and in the most extreme cases, human beings - one can achieve the fulfilment of a greater purpose, be it the pleasing of a deity, or promised future reward from an omnipotent, omniscient God. Others preach self-abstinence and the forgoing of metaphysical comforts, such as sexual gratification or emotional attachment to another. The common trend underlying these nuances would be that in both cases, the individual conducts that act of sacrifice, of self-deprivation, in the express hope or belief that something greater and better would result. Christians, for example, believe that it is through personal sacrifice of 'worldy things and desires' that love for the Creator can be expressed and evidenced, thus earning a 'mansion' (ie, a place) in heaven. Most, if not all churches collect monetary "tithes and tidings" from congregation members. Mosques often have collection tins placed outside, and many religious establishments receive princely donations as well. Such a projection of future achievement by forgoing something in the present is pervasive in most, if not all, of the major religions in the world - Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism - be it through the system of Karma and rebirth or the concept of an afterlife in Heaven.

Yet, a certain fallacy exposes itself: if sacrifice were conducted in such a spirit, inherently implying that its sole purpose is for eventual self gain in the future, would it not be contradictory to the spirit of religion in the first place? For the love of God, to Glorify His Name - These are common monikers strewn about by parishes as they preach 'The Word'. Yet how many truly conduct their religion, believe in it, and abide by it solely because they desire to experience love for a God? If Christianity, for example, did not have the promise of the afterlife and eternal salvation at hand, but was conducted as a service to Glorify the Creator, and to express love for Him, how many would maintain their faith?

Would the desire to perpetuate self-gain thus be an inherent motivation for participating in religion, and would it thus make religion itself farcical? Perhaps one should carefully examine one's core impetus for participating in religion before actually making a commitment. Is it truly for the love of God, or is that proclamation simply a mask behind which lurks the less-than-noble intention of self-gain and self-preservation? If it were, would it then not be a contradiction of the spirit of the religion itself?

**Post Script: please do tag your opinions on the board, or drop comments. I'd appreciate constructive thoughts in the construction of this argument, and not shallow half-baked comments tagged for the sake of purposelesness.

2005-12-08T10:15:00.000+08:00

ITS ALIVE!
After a revamp, where the old motherboard was supplanted, and a new hard disk and ram installed, my computer lives again. Although now its pretty damn noisy since there are 2 fans operating simultaneously. Rather short-sightedly, i threw away the old DELL casing with my WinXP ACTIVATION KEY on it, and now im stuck with a 30-day timer that irritatingly pops up every few minutes or so to remind me to activate my copy of XP. GAH! Anyone can help me out? Or do i have to get a new copy of XP.

2005-11-15T20:37:00.000+08:00

Rite of Passage

Perhaps the A lvls are a rite of passage of sorts, the final chapter in the bildungsroman of the JC experience. Hark back to the JC1 era of yore, and one can find that back then, it was but a distant cloud on the horizon, a mere wrinkle in the fabric of social revel that one builds around oneself. It is an almost surreal concept, omnipresent but barely perceived; after all, why worry about it when one has an entire year left?

The completion of Promos heralds the infinite bliss of the December holidays, a calm that pervades and creates an entire lifestyle of its own. The clock ticks around enjoyment, its hands pointing enticingly to the playgrounds of Orchard, Sentosa and various other locales. It is a friend, a companion, a benevolent chronologue of one's teenage prime, smiling merrily down from the mantelpiece or the wall. It reassures us with a twinkle of the second hand that the splendour of life is there to be explored, touched, felt, experienced. There is plenty of time for everything else.

The beginning of year two marks a sudden shift of paradigm, a terrible jolt that strikes us out of the air and on to the ground. Hark, this is the year of the A lvls! That distant monster that was barely discernable in JC1 is now suddenly a looming inevitability, destroying all straying thoughts of play and enjoyment, supplanting the vigor of youth with the cadaverous stasis of Mugging. The friendly face on the wall or the mantelpiece now becomes the harbinger of doom, contorting with malicious satisfaction as it ticks inexorably towards our final hour. It adopts the ensign of the enemy, marching us ever forward, and every glance at it brings images of the dreaded time. Calenders serve a new, terrible function: countdown.

Some of us falter in the face of this, indulging in the self-delusion that somehow, by some means, we will be prepared when the time comes. Others labor silently, constantly, content in the knowledge of their effort. Yet others, smelling danger, rage with frustration at the realisation of their academic inadequacy. What a dire contrast between now and the previous year, they cry! Tutors adopt a new, grimmer spring to their step, showing faint signs of impatience at a noisy lecture group when previously there were none. The annual mantra is conceived, and repeated: Study. Study. Mug.

Ultimately, the time comes. Studentkind withdraws within itself, and lecture notes usurp the once indisputable primacy of the television. The battle begins, to what result? It is too early to tell.

The following March, the now ex-students venture back, some bare-headed in caps, others in gaudy garments and colored hair. The tension in the hall is so thick that one can cut it with a knife! The person at the podium makes the customary speech, while her audience trembles in horrid anticipation; soon it is time, and the person picks up a piece of paper and prepares to read out the first name.

2005-11-11T20:43:00.000+08:00

It begins!

Finally, after dragging its feet for so long.

Ruminations of a drunk student

Rejoice rejoice, it's finally here
let's jump around and drink some beer!
"Too long its made its passage known",
the desperate cry out with a moan
Let's rend, and tear, and burn our stuff!
to itty bitty shreds of fluff!
Gone are the hallowed words of Tarling
(they really put me to sleep, how galling)
Incinerate, thou evil notes on Inflation
I'll laugh and dance at your cremation
Gone is Othello, and Eustacia too
I couldn't care less why they're feeling blue
To Gorby, and Reagan, and S.D.I
go blow yourselves to bits, sky high!
And now the booze has done its course
its with great reluctance, and remorse
that I must resume my obscene act
of studying, studying, mugging fact.

- JX '05

*Nicholas Tarling, renowned SEA historian wrote 'A Cambridge History of SEA', possibly the most soporific work ever published in the history of man.
*Eustacia and Othello are fictional characters created by Thomas Hardy and Shakespeare, respectively and are studied by some A lvl students for lit.
*Gorby, short for Gorbachev, deposed ex-Soviet leader of the USSR until his resignation on 25th Dec 1991
*Reagan, former American president, now deceased.
*SDI, Strategic Defense Initiative (23rd March 1983) Space-based Anti-ballistic missle system proposed in the nuclear arms race.
*Inflation - a sustained and inordinate increase in the General Price Level of a country, as measured by the Consumer Price Index (CPI).

2005-10-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

ACS Forever!

2005-10-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

my favourite math teacher: lim see poi =)

2005-10-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

The 'Family'

2005-10-13T20:55:00.000+08:00

Things I'll Miss:
Trying to sleep in an uncomfortable sitting position in the mornings.
Having to put up with the incessant (and irritating) noise generated at 7.15 in the morning
and the demented exortations of the parade commander. Weekly chapel services, a stamp of
regularity i've enjoyed for the past 6 years
fooling around during free periods with the kids
just slacking
sleeping in the library armchairs
not handing up homework unless threatened with DC and/or expulsion
tennis!!
tennis!!
band!!
band!!
Alty!
Soppy!
bumming around with friends
playing Yeti Sports on the library computers
Dota in the com labs
Undergoing metamorphasis into an icecube in LT2 lectures (econs and lit)
Ponning everything prior promos
Ponning everything post promos
Switzerland! Switzerland!
Thosai at the Indian stall

and so many, many things.

2005-10-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

The enveloping shadow of the impending A lvls approaches at breakneck speed, a countdown that highlights and underscores the urgency of my academic situation. The entire atmosphere of schooling life has transformed - a tense undercurrent of fear intermingled with a pinch of apprehension and the occasional tear of regret. The void deck is desolately devoid of normalcy, lacking its usual motley collection of poseurs, noise-makers and throngs of people just 'hanging out'. The familiar setting of youth in all its vivacity has been replaced with stasis and stagnation, the people almost corpse-like in their capacity to engage in social revel; they are cadaverous in their intense mugging endeavors. The belief that contacts maketh a better looking (and for some strange reason that i fail to fathom, "cooler") man has been defenestrated in favor of spectacles, which are briefly liberated from cold-storage to accomodate the long hours of staring at paper. The various nuances of frustration experienced can be summed up into a single, coherent word, expressive in its simplicity, yet able to encompass all the subtleties of the circumstance: "GAH!!!!!!"

2005-09-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

You are trying to improve your position and prestige - be it in your life or in your workplace. Things are, at this time, OK - but they could be better. You feel that it is essential that you break down any opposition that could possibly lurk in the shadows. You know that you are quite capable of achieving this set goal because you have to and because it is essential to your self esteem.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognize the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.

You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.

You are trying to break away from the mundane existence that you have been experiencing of late. You have many high hopes and ideals but you are concerned whether circumstances will allow you to realize these ambitions. You want to spread your wings - to broaden your fields of activities - but you are concerned that your dreams are just that - 'dreams' which are not realistic. It concerns you that you are not thinking clearly at this time - what you need is to get away from it all, to give you time to think. A short vacation could well restore your confidence.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

www.colorgenics.com

2005-09-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

2005-09-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

Funky shades

2005-09-19T21:44:00.000+08:00

FFVII Advent Children is a must watch! Enjoy.

2005-09-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

22 days of JC life left.

2005-09-10T14:19:00.000+08:00

Fall

a leaf floats gently, softly, silently

it barely skims the ground

carried by the zephyr breeze

its body brittle and brown.

the final tile of dying mosaic

that spells an orison of mourning

the crimson, brown and orange scape

portrays the summer's waning.

The graven beauty of the oak;

the squirrel in the tree,

they lament in pained tandem

of the frost: of what must be.

2005-09-01T21:19:00.000+08:00

nothing much to blog about these days, and i refuse to allow mine to degenerate into a meaningless discursive monologue about what happened during the day. yay, 9 weeks to A lvls cant wait. tomorrow's the teacher's day celebrations, and a certain gay toad is making us do a retarded workout in school at the track. I'm currently on a new thesis: the examination of the relationship between tennis and the libido. Really bizarre sounding i concede, but nevertheless, interesting once you start thinking about it. Ever wondered what it would be like to engage tete-a-tete with Freud? Psychoanalytical deconstruction indeed.

2005-08-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

Its over! yay.

2005-08-23T12:00:00.000+08:00

Yay, 3 more days to go before i can dota till i drop, the current exam time limit of 2-3 games a day is much too little and has to be supplemented by DOD and Svencoop anyway or else i'll convulse and have fits in the exam due to withdrawal symptoms.

2005-08-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

Exams are fine so far, with the exception of Econs 3, which hopefully i'll get a C for. Guess it'll be up to DRQ and Case Study to pull up the grade then. With the progress of the exams somehow i have this incessant growing sensation that i'm neglecting God somehow. That i've been trying so hard to achieve everything by myself that i've foolishly and inadvertently left Him out of the picture. That perhaps the church going and guilt trips are punitive overtures by an already watered down conscience, suppressed by the exam construct, that is attempting to vindicate its actions and mitigate the consequences. So. I guess its time, like in every relationship, to say sorry. To rebuild the frayed ties that i've foolishly ignored, reinforce the rubric of faith that has been eroded and diminished by an over-focus on the material and physical, instead of the intrinsic meta-physical. Maybe i've got my priorities all wrong.I guess its time to change that.

2005-08-16T15:29:00.000+08:00

HAHA IH paper was a joke.. literally.

Countries were Fundamental Obstacles to the growth of the international economy in that they 'only looked inwards, for themselves' (not verbatim, but along those lines. Recall Revenge of the Sith?)
How far do you agree that throughout the cold war, the theat of nuclear holocaust was a 'Phantom Menace'? (Nuclear arms joke - i mean, prelim question, and really, those exact words in bold! haha.)

The funniest part of the whole affair was that he'd actually told us the questions prior the exam, but for obvious reasons, we declined to believe, dismissing them as more history-teacher humor intended to lighten the mood and alleviate our suffering. Also included in his 'mind games' regime:

Mao was quoted saying "The East wind prevails over the West wind" following the launch of sputnik and the first Soviet ICBM in 1957. Is this true or a bunch of fart? Discuss.

With the rise to power of Brezhnev in 1964, the Soviet Union achieved nuclear parity by the late 1960s/early 1970s. How far was this a case of 'The Empire Striking Back?'

Was Reagan's rollback strategy encompassing the SDI of 23rd March 1983 'The Return of the Jedi' or 'The Revenge of the Sith'?

2005-08-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

Ever get the sensation that, under all their contrived angst, 'disguised' wisdom and supposed enlightened cynicism, some teenagers are in reality simple-minded self-praising mental vagrants, bogged down in their perceived illusions of grandeur, self-absorption and self-praise? That sometimes there exists an abysmal schism between opinion and fact, and when the illusion is stripped away all that remains is a pathetic little worm, struggling to construe and project a self-constructed artifice for the benefit of others? Perhaps, beneath the veneer of vulgarity and arrogance lies the degenerate, the deformed, the sadly lacking. I detest such entities, at times suppressing a nascent urge to scream, shout and flail away at them in protest: WAKE UP! Half-wit, idiot, POSEUR!

2005-08-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

the last section photo

2005-07-27T20:37:00.000+08:00

Shakespeare - Gems of life! =)

Tribute to AnC

'Those his goodly eyes, that over the files and musters of war do glow like plated mars. His captain's heart, which in the scuffles of great fights hath burst the buckles on his breast reneges all temper and is become the bellows and the fan to cool a gipsy's lust!' [- Philo, 1.1]

'i would they fight in the fire on in the air, we'd fight there too!' [ Antony, 4.10]

Tribute to RnJ

'Patience perforce with wilful choler meeting
makes my flesh tremble in their different greeting
I will withdraw, but this intrusion shall,
now seeming sweet, convert to bitterest gall." [ - Tybalt Capulet, 1.5]

'What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet'
[ - Juliet, soliloquey]

2005-07-22T20:57:00.000+08:00

2005-07-16T08:46:00.000+08:00

Updating after a long hiatus.. to say only that i have no time to update, so probably won't till after prelims. So don't bother checking back here...

2005-06-23T11:44:00.000+08:00

Having taken a slight break from absolute submergence into the abyss of academia, i realise that much to my surprise i have managed to achieve quite a substantial bit of revision this holidays, only complaint i have being that it's gone by way too fast. It's been a landmark June holiday, what with ad infinitum but definitely enjoyable band practs, culminating in a (sic) 'funny concert', innumerable outings with friends and family, and dota!! ad nauseum (ok i've just paid tribute to ian's blog). Sometimes i feel that just by indulging in an excess of dota, and the lethargic 5 hours on average i spend at the computer a day, combined with the muscular degeneration brought about by almost zero exercise throughout, i am fast on my way to attaining the gianormous zombified pudgy human ball state of being. Brain cell count diminishing and depleting, animalistic urges to go forth and consume nascent, the human being overridden and subsumed. Given the copious amounts of consumables that i've ingested, i should have gained at least a few kilos by now. But i haven't! Curse that metabolic rate. Ok so here's to another 20 minutes or so wasted doing absolutely nothing of productive value at the computer, so i shall turn on musicmatch jukebox and listen to the sublime Tchaikovsky's nutcracker followed by the jarring chords of the star wars soundtrack.

2005-06-17T13:23:00.000+08:00

Thanks for coming, i really appreciate it =) Cya guys on the 18th for dinner!

2005-06-17T13:22:00.001+08:00

This spells D-O-T-A all over it!

2005-06-17T13:22:00.000+08:00

One of numerous section photos we took, at the behest of an over-enthusiastic Jiayi

2005-06-17T13:21:00.000+08:00

Altos.

2005-06-17T13:20:00.000+08:00

Don't think I'd want to blog about yesterday, so I'll just post a couple of pics. This one's on the bus back to sch frm section lunch.

2005-06-08T15:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the official handover for AC Band, and finally, at long last i feel liberated. I think i wouldn't be exaggerating to say that emotions ran high in LT4, sadly, my cynical mind viewed it all as an amusing spectacle testament to the fickle subtleties, nuances, patterns and facets of human nature. I guess if i haven't any constructive comments then i shouldn't say anything at all, however, i don't really give a damn what you, the reader think; as i've mentioned before, blogging is my form of catharsis, and your opinion is irrelevent and of no consequence whatsoever with regards my mental train. Rage if you must; Flame if you must, i don't really care, tagging childishly immature inane comments will only provide me with more viewing entertainment. In other words, i don't care what you, the reader think. I don't really. Haha. Now that we have things settled, and if you haven't closed this page already, i think i'll begin my destructive analytical diatribe. =)

The usual speeches made by various members of the J2 cohort, though perhaps heartfelt and sincere in intent, struck me as perversely cliche and of rather artificial impact. Make no mistake, i am by no means faulting the people themselves, but the environment and context within which they made those declarations. I think i shall not deign to elaborate further on this avenue of thought.

The J1s, in all their zealous enthusiasm, remind me somewhat of the J2 batch this time last year. We were fresh from the switzerland trip, bursting with eagerness and ideals and quixotic propensities, determined to make all the difference in the band, transform its culture, bring it to greater heights, and more such convictions. It only makes me wonder how long this batch will last before inevitably running out of conviction fuel and drive. Althought many claim that positions are inconsequential and are in reality positions of servant leadership, in reality perhaps only a rare minority truly espouse this ideal. Of these few, how many are actually doing it for others in the perpetual knowledge of servitude? How many truly believe in the principle? If the workload of running the band were devoid of title, position, or any nuance of advantage, and were in fact, truly perceived as a disadvantage, how many would continue stepping forward to volunteer their services?

Et tu, J1s? Anybody wants to be stage clearing rep? Mopping up all the saliva, picking up the tissue paper, arranging the chairs before and after every practice? Its service, pure service, the perfect chance to serve the band as you've always claimed to desire! Only cinch being the fact of a lack of attractive prestige and glam factors.

I guess im relieved that my brief tenure as SL is over.

2005-05-30T23:06:00.000+08:00

Ode to Econs (sung to the tune of that christmas song)

Deck the tables with econs notes, falalalala, lala, lala.
'Tis the season, to be mugging, falalalala, lala, lala.
PPCs and marginal propensities, falala, lalala, la, la, la!
I rather think i'm going crazy, falalalala, lala, la, la!

Sanity is in rather short supply around here.

2005-05-29T20:46:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day: Pffft, English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

- Homer Simpson

2005-05-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

I've had a lot of things to think about lately, including the re-evaluation of a value system of uncompromisable principles that i have staunchly stood by for so long. Perhaps as i evolve as a person, certain perspectives previously perfectly justifiable become not so anymore, leading me to question and indulge in inner-conflict. The articulation of one's mental divisions is something not easily attained. I suppose one of my outlets is through blogging then - my cathartical therapy in action. Being vague allows me to reason out processes while keeping them shrouded to all bu myself, and i guess i don't really blog for people to read. Okay, feeling kind of tired now, and there being band tomorrow, i guess i shall hit the sack.

2005-05-22T12:04:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Pooi! =)

2005-05-19T20:28:00.000+08:00

Of late i guess i haven't been blogging much, this is perhaps due to an insidious exhaustion that grips me throughout a large part of the day. Insidious, because in a way i'm attracted by it, as it presents an avenue of escape from the inevitable mugging endeavors required of me in that day, something by which i can then inexorably use to justify skipping through citing fatigue. Yet, even in this fatal attraction i feel a penetrating claw of guilt ripping apart the fabric of my lethargy and complacency, my sloth and my static inertia, co-habiting with the little vocal counsel living in my head which some call the conscience, melding into an amalgam of near-titanic proportions that almost - almost - changes the academic stasis. Occasionally i question myself: is this chronic exhaustion myself in denial? A product of my unwillingness to work?
And even now as i sit here in front of the computer table, fingers splayed over the keyboard, tapping these little plastic cubes that interface with the board forming letters, a friend is summoning me to the allure of dota, a call i am unlikely to refuse, inspite of the History test i have tomorrow, for which i have only superficially mugged for.

2005-05-13T21:25:00.000+08:00

YESS!!! Technology comes to my rescue, fortunately before any withdrawal symptoms manifest.

2005-05-12T22:13:00.000+08:00

My graphics card just got fried. My comp now has the visual capacity and output of a pack of pre-school crayons. =(

ATI Radeon 9600 Pro coming up! I'll fail the As once i get it i think.

2005-05-06T20:06:00.000+08:00

SYF was a learning experience. Thank God for helping me to accept whatever we got, long before we even performed. I like the AC catchphrase here - To God be the Glory, the Best is Yet to Be. Its all about the music.

2005-05-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

Jos: What i believe is quite different from what most people in the band believe, i think. Maybe its just me, and im being naively idealistic, but the way i look at it, its the music making that really takes top priority, par excellence. at least for me. its why i joined band. But i respect whatever opinions you have. I guess i don't really have a goal when it comes to band. just to make music. perfect music. enjoy music. live music. yup.

2005-04-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

6 more days to go.
I still believe that SYF is NOT a competition.
I don't really care if we get gold with honors/ top band or not.
Its just not the point. The true intrinsic of band maintains that such matters are inconsequential in the larger design.
If day were summer and night, winter, i'd both estivate and hibernate. Sloth!
Enjoyment, love of expression, emotion - these are the essentials that are inextricably intertwined and woven into the fabric of music. They are inseperably monolithic.
These - not petty achievements to bolster flagging self-esteem or further inflate an already oversized ego - are the true vital components, without with which band, and the master it serves which is music, would be meaningless, reduced to a spectacle no better than the crude sands of the gladiatoral arena.

2005-04-24T09:47:00.000+08:00

One more time this happens. and. i swear. im gonna EXPLODE. Why cant she just. leave. me. alone. its all i can do. you think i don't care about him? Hell, i DO. Why d'you think i scold him so much. Its what you did NOT do. Just. Stop. It!

2005-04-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

Tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis.

In lit, repetition = emphasis.

Tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis tennis rocks tennis rocks tennis rocks tennis rocks tennis rocks!

Incremental emphasis = anaphora

Haha i think you get the picture.

2005-04-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

Interesting.. i must say that the last post attracted some interesting comments. I'll just paste them here in summation:

angie: i think love need not be unnecessary. it only is when the 2 partners are in a self-destructive relationship.. other than that, love can uphold each party.

Idealistic. Admirably so, when immersed in the context of today's cynical, cynical world.

dKiWi: I agree with your analysis at this stage. But it isnt optional later, otherwise we'll be all extinct.

Perhaps. But the fallacy lies in the fact that you do not necessarily have to love in order to procreate. Just look at the government of a certain *cough* small country *cough* in *cough cough* south east asia *hack*... Ahh.. ahh.. choo! SDU! Pardon me, did i say something? Interesting point to note boys and girls, if you end up in a local university, your names are automatically submitted into the social development unit which then tries to encourage inter-faculty breeding (i mean, socialising) by organising 'activities'. Eugenics, eugenics... but anyway, i digress. I think that love is a facilitative factor, not an essential one. Though some might (and probably will) argue otherwise.

...: being able to love doesn't make you weak. And it takes great strength and courage to love someone unlovable.

Interesting argument by '...' there... Heh. Allusions to the irritating people of this world i suppose. I totally agree, its extremely difficult to force oneself into a mentality of goodwill and amicability (let alone, love) towards people one deems 'unlovable'. On closer analysis though, i feel that love is in some ways a weakness in itself, due to the fact that it renders you vulnerable, and inhibits the innate self-preservation mechanism precinct - two flaws that can fatally incapacitate in today's Machiavallian world.

Haha sorry to all you GP haters out there i love controversial topics (and in a GP lover as well - in itself a controversial topic). So here's another one (for band people mostly, even if you're not of that superior social strata (kidding), please do feel free to comment) :

'Musical Competitions' are flawed institutions that defeat the very musical intrinsic that they were created to serve and proliferate in the first place.

Postulation-less. Feel free to comment! *sniggers*

2005-04-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

Your EQ is

113

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!

51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.

71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.

91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.

111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

2005-04-08T20:54:00.000+08:00

"The greatest thing you'll ever experience, is to love and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge.

Having pondered this for a rather long time, i arrived at the following conclusion: in the final analysis, love is unneccessary, inefficient, arbitrary, and optional. It is the ability to desire to continue engaging in this volatile emotion in the face of this knowledge that constitutes true love.

For the purposes of discussion, this argument will exclude the genetically programmed propensity/predisposition (if you will) to procreate as a factor, and will instead focus on the psychological, rather than physiological, scope of the matter in an attempt to prove this stand.

Also, take note that this argument defines 'love' as being non-familial in nature. Yes kids, we're talking Bee Gee Arr.

Do post your comments on the tagboard. I'm curious what y'all think. I think i'll post the essay after a few days, and hopefully, many responses later.

2005-04-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

This is ridiculous. I can't put everyone from my section into the SYF band because of some stupid restriction imposed by some organisation i haven't heard of. The idea of excluding some people or even putting them under the "audition" column irks me - and also, the very fact of having to rank them. Its unfair. Totally. I'm sorry guys.
The disgustingly technocratic bureaucracy wielding its mace of inflexibility is perhaps just one manifestation of the artificiality of the entire System's way of attempting to manicure the arts and music culture (or the lack of it) in this country. Its just not done this way! In introducing too much of a structure to cultivate growth, they have inevitable stifled the nascence of the movement, stunting its flavor, distorting its purpose. Its. Just. Not. Done. This. Way.

2005-03-31T20:55:00.000+08:00

Found a cooler pic! Too bad the baris aren't in.

2005-03-31T20:35:00.000+08:00

Guys... you rock! Must say that its been great having all of you in the section, every single one of you. Thanks for all the hardwork you've put in, for at least trying to focus during sectionals, for (some of you) bringing home your instruments to practice, etc. It's paid off hasn't it? =)
On a more depressing note, it saddens me that as a J2 i don't have much time left to hang out with ya'll in band... June is approaching at a scary rate. I don't want band to end i don't want band to end i don't want band to end i don't want band to end i don't want band to end...

2005-03-28T21:28:00.000+08:00

For the first time in a long long time.. i feel tired. Quite. Tired.

2005-03-27T15:28:00.000+08:00

Mercury: The Winged Messenger (72kb): Fleet-footed Mercury flits about through this piece sounding not unlike a cosmic butterfly. He belongs very much in the Garden of Venus that precedes him in the performance.

Venus: The Bringer of Peace (69kb): The very picture of beauty and refinement in taste, this is the Venus of ancient Rome: a sprite of gardens and flowers, feminine yet tame and without guile or wiles. This provides the counterpoint to the unshackled violence of Mars.

Mars: The Bringer of War (131kb): The full horror of mechanised warfare confronts us face to face in this bleakest of all tone poems. Its face is unrepentent, unrelenting and merciless and it offers us no hope of redemption. Thousands of pairs of jackbooted feet parade across the landscape, scurrying to their graves. Tanks pound cities into rubble. Bullets fly and bombs fall. Airplanes swoop low overhead. How surprising it is, then, to learn that Holst completed this piece long before the opening of the First World War, before the invention of the tank, before any plane had ever been fitted out to carry bombs, before the slaughter in the trenches, before the use of poison gas.

Jupiter: The Bringer of Jollity (132kb): The spirit of this music is very much in keeping with the astrological significance of Jupiter as the planet of benevolence and generosity. This Jupiter has no thunderbolts to hurtle down on us, but only knowing smiles and a wink or two. He has come down from Olympus to flirt with beauties in the mortal realm and, if flirtation leads to something more, so much the better. We hear him chasing but not catching the ladies. He invites all to dance, then seems not to favour any one of them any more than the others --- one of those men who loves all women because they are women and for no other reason. The music emerges from its cavorting, twirling and gambolling out onto a central plateau of graceful dance music, then sinks back into the carefree patterns of before. A very famous poem, near and dear to British hearts, was later set to this music and the two have been inseparable ever since. The first verse was played at the Royal Wedding of Charles and Diana, while its second verse was sung at Diana's funeral:

And there's another Country
I've heard of long ago,
Most Dear to them that Love her,
most Great to them that Know.

We may not count her Armies.
We may not see her King.
Her Fortress is a faithful Heart;
her Pride is Suffering.
And Soul by Soul and silently,
her shining Bounds increase
And her ways are ways of Gentleness
and all her paths are Peace!

We may not count her Armies.
We may not see her King.
Her Fortress is a faithful Heart;
her Pride is Suffering.
And Soul by Soul and silently,
her shining Bounds increase
And her ways are ways of Gentleness
and all her paths are Peace!

Saturn: The Bringer of Old Age (57kb): Serene and deliberate are the words best describing the tone of this piece. We can hear Saturn coming in from a long ways off, with a steady yet plodding gait and with a steady yet plodding gait he comes, as surely as the frost and winter follow upon the summer, as surely as the evening follows the afternoon, as inevitable as death and taxes. Yet, when he arrives, we find him not nearly so dreadful as his heavy steps led us to believe. The deliberation is still there, the uncompromising observance of structures and the law, yet what he creates for us is not without its beauty, crystalline like the snowflakes, serene in the stoic acceptance of his own mortality and finitude, content with the meaning he finds there.

Uranus: The Magician (84kb): This is not the god Uranus of mythology we meet here -- not Ouranos of the Sky who fathered the Titans on Gaia and whom even Saturn (Kronos) found so odious as to be worthy of overthrow -- but Uranus as the ruler of astrological Aquarius. As such, he has more in common with the Titan Prometheus than with any other figure. Prometheus was damned by the gods for sharing their knowledge (of fire) with mortal humans -- a Magician who cannot keep his secrets -- and thus keeps company with the Serpent of Eden coiled about the Tree of Knowledge. This magician is bumbling and accident prone, yes, but also a born performer who cannot resist just one more try, one more kick at the cat, before the men in white suits come to take him away ... But this veil of eccentricity cloaks deep wisdom and a knowledge of the infinite. So what is he -- an adept or just inept? On the last try, he gets it right and we hear the opening of the doorway into eternity.

Neptune: The Mystic (133kb): And this is the eternity that Uranus has revealed to us. The chasm opens and we step out into the void. We have a sense of a floating cascade through empty space, through Neptune's watery depths. Celestial harmonies surround us and we hear choirs of angels receding into the distance.

2005-03-20T09:42:00.000+08:00

The basis for the existence of band is the love of music.

This is the first and most fundamental premise upon which Band as an entity is built. That lacking, it would hardly be deserving for that organisation to adopt that moniker at all - it would be farcical and meaningless.

The very essence and core of the band constitutes this ideal. It is that which provides for the primary unifying force which ingratiates a dozen or so 'peripheral elements', previously independent of one another, into a monolithic, singular conglomerate that pulses, lives and functions as a singular entity, in its insatiable desire to pursue the creation, perfection, and ultimately, enjoyment, of music.

These 'peripheral elements', in their initial stage, can be identified as the various cliques of people who comprise a band in its formative stages. Reclusive and exclusive to some extent, these elements are only bound to one another by the tenuous thread of a shared common interest(note the choice of word - interest) for music that when examined from certain facetal angles, proves superficial and perhaps immature even. Their characteristics are such that their social contact is largely limited to the safety zone of their various cliques, and by extension, themselves, and this circumstance often fails to precipitate mutual interaction.

This can be considered the primeval/elementary state of being of the Band, and is further accentuated by symptomatic manifestations such as the inability to achieve musical coordination and perfection as a whole, as well as a superficial appreciation of the music.

This model can be considered as a paradigm for a significant proportion of Bands, especially those whose members have no true commitment to music nor a sense of responsibility to the other members, but instead drift through the Band Experience in hopes of gleaning enough CCA benefits to attain the next stage of education (in the context of singapore) or - believe it or not - for the lack of nothing better to participate in. This attitudinal stratum is clearly detrimental and inadequate in fulfilling the intrinsic fundamental for the existence of Band, as the personal self takes precedence on the priority list, ahead of the needs of others or the notion of the greater good. This condition is detrimental, to say the least, in the long term for any band.

Therefore, in order to progress to the next level of maturity and music, a paradigm shift has to be in order. A greater awareness that extends beyond the self has to be achieved, and it has to be facilitated by the desire to place the needs of others before self. Increased exposure to music over the years sometimes provides for a greater love and appreciation for it - and these are the two core prerequisites that need to be fulfilled before any further progress can take place in the Band.

The ability to put the notion of the greater good above self is prevalent in many forms. Making the effort to establish connections with other band members, not just oneself's group. Realising the importance of practice. Mustering the discipline to carry it through. And most importantly - the realisation that Band is not all about fun and socialising.

The process of having fun and socialising in itself can be beneficial - it forges links and powerful channels of communication that are vital to higher order music making, and makes the whole process of Band itself enjoyable in another way other than the appreciation of music. However, an excess would lead to an undesirable deviance in priorities. The desire to have fun all the time would lead to the negligence of the art of music, which would then impair the music process in itself. This therefore constitutes an inherent irresponsibility towards the making and perfecting, and ultimately, enjoyment, of music - the very reason for the existence of band in the first place.
To be candid, this is what differentiates the Band from other CCAs such as the interact club - we serve a higher purpose than our own - and that purpose is music.

The highest phase of Band is ultimate dedication to musicianship. It is the passionate desire to pursue this beautiful art of self expression through an audio medium that brings about this state - it is when music becomes a lifelong obsession. Admittedly, few if any actually attain this level of musical maturity. These are the people who go on to become professional musicians, conductors, and composers. They reap no immediately tangible benefits from the process - no CCA points, or worldwide absolute recognition on the scale of the president of the united states, etc - except the satisfaction they derive from simply, making music.

In conclusion, all I can say is: i'm not one of those. But i do love music.

2005-03-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

The Dunking Committee did it again =)

2005-03-12T22:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the sheer ignorance of my Mom angers me so much that i just briskly walk out of the room, shut the door firmly and retreat to my own. How can people be so stupidly naive as to believe that the yearly positionings of a bunch of hot burning shining balls of gases in space can actually have the capacity to influence one's life to ANY EXTENT? that some commonplace event can be considered an OMEN of negative energies!? The OBVIOUS fallacy in this lies in the fact that placement of material physical processes CAN IN NO FRIGGIN WAY IN HELL INFLUENCE YOUR LIFE AND ITS EVENTS SO STOP BEING SO CHILDISH IN YOUR MENTALITY JUST GROW UP EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NEARLY 50 YRS OLD.
Puh-leeze. Anyone could just INVENT stuff like that and i think you'd actually be SUSCEPTIBLE and GULLIBLE enough in your blatant IGNORANCE to actually BELIEVE IT. Even the most trivial of things can be interpreted by you to be of some far-fetched significance, i think i could just tell u that a bird just landed on the roof and you'd be just tripping over yourself to buy 4D because u prob think its lucky or something.
GROW UP. JUST. STOP. WALLOWING. IN. THAT. IGNORANT. ILLOGICAL. UNFOUNDED. BASELESS. THREAD. OF. SUPERSTITIOUS. DOGMA. THAT. YOU. HAVE. MIRED. YOURSELF. IN. ALL. THIS. TIME.

2005-03-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

2005-03-11T17:40:00.000+08:00

our father who art in heaven hallowed be Thy name Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever Amen.

Blenheim Tan Rikai has moved on to a better place at 5am this morning, may we all pray for him and his family.

I must say that i feel rather shocked at his sudden departure, even though i never did know him very well. And i suddenly realise that the fairfield community/network is something that i'd taken for granted all along. Once a fairsian always a fairsian. I wish i'd known him better. Some things are inevitable i guess. After receiving the message from zhu ping in the middle of founders day i sat rather stoned, a sense of disconnectedness just coursing through me. It felt as if a connection had been broken, and all that remained was a deep sense of loss, that a fairsian had been irreversibly, inexplicably removed from the system, just like that.
I really really hope that his family will be alright. At least he's moved on to a better place, where he won't need to suffer anymore.